HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!!

Yes I am part Irish, my Brimberry side. Since I have started taking care of my mom I have put on weight.  I am home all the time and all you want to do is eat.  It is really hard to fit in exercising.  I got on my friends scale and realized I have gained 10lbs.  Well that just won't do. So starting Saturday I went off processed sugar, breads, and pastas. Thanks to my two older daughters watching my mom, I have started walking every weekday with my friend Carolee, who is also caregiving for her father-in-law.  Between our two schedules we are trying really hard to fit it in.  Well one of my favorite things is a Shamrock Shake from Mcdonalds.  I have been reallly good for the last 6 days and decided I would treat myself.  I think I deserve it.  Let's hope I haven't sabotaged myself.  I figured it was ok since I walked 4 miles today and helped Lauren weed the flower beds today to plant the rest of our garden.  Also I gave a small sip to my mom to put on her tongue to taste.  She was happy!!!  I think it was worth it and I will be back on track tomorrow!! 

Conversations you never want to have!!!!

Today when my mom was getting up she noticed her tumor was bigger on the left side.  It has only been growing big on the right side up until now.  She asked me if I thought it was now growing on the left side and I said yes.  Then she pointed to her right side where the tumor is bulging out of her neck and said, "Isn't this going to go away?"  I had to say, "No mom, your tumor will continue to grow until you pass away.  The steroid we put you on was only to help relieve your symptoms and give you more energy, not cure you.  Here in lies the very hard part of caregiving, being loving and honest at the same time even though some confusion has set in.  Pray for me!!

New Year's Goal!!

So one of my goals I made at the beginning of the year was not to shop for myself for 3 months from December 23, 2010, which would be March 23, 2011. Now mind you I am the most frugual shopper and don't spend a lot of money but let's face it, just because it is on sale doesn't mean you need it.  My closet is full and I really don't need anything.  (Of course my brother had to one up me and said he is not shopping for himself for a year, and he is a shopaholic!!!) So with taking care of my mom it has been pretty easy.   I don't go anywhere because I am home taking care of her.  But recently there has been this cute dress on the JCPenny commercial.  So I got weak and broke down and went online to see if that particular dress was available.(Go here to see the Dress ) Yes it was on the site and so I tried to order it being weak.  Well I guess, call it what you will, Heavenly Father helping me, fate, I call it Heavenly Father trying to help me with my goal, it wasn't available in my size.  HaHa.  So with only one more week to go for my goal I hope I make it.  It has been an eye opener to learn you really don't need stuff!!! I knew this but sometimes you need to relearn things.  Taking care of my mom has made me realize what is important.  It's not about what you buy, or keeping up with the Jone's but the relationships in your life and how you treat people.  I also have started to say, "What do I really need instead of that is cute I think I will buy it".  Hopefully I can pass that onto my kids!!!  Wish me luck with my goal!!!

OK So I will Brag a little!!

Ok maybe I will brag a little on this post.  This is my oldest Lauren and she has been dating Dean now for almost 3 years.  Yes we are waiting for a proposal.  However, they took some beautiful photos with a friend of Lauren's who wanted to broaden her portfolio.  They turned out amazing and I wish they were her engagement pictures.  I can't download them here, so to see them go here:http://tegynfriedmanphotography.com/blog and scroll down to the bottom and look under love and engagements (Lauren + Dean)

She is a beautiful lamb, I like to call her.  She has been amazing helping me with my mom.  She has also applied to many nursing schools and we are just waiting to hear.  So helping with my mom is good practice for her.

Venting and a Real Reality Blog!

So as you know I have been taking care of my mom now for 4 weeks.  She is on Hospice and has terminal cancer.  I am happy to do this and am grateful I am a nurse to be able to give her the 24 hr care she needs.  However, I have frustrations too!!!  I always read blogs and they are full of beautiful people posing with outfits, putting their best picutres of vacations and their kids on.  Well I decided to make this a real reality blog, so I can keep this like a journal of this adventure we are going through. So here are my frustrations:

1) I know you mean well when you say if I need you to watch my mom so I can get a break.  However, can you suction her trach, do you want to change her diaper or put pain meds down her feeding tube?  So when I smile and say thank you that is really sweet, I apprecaite it but that won't be happening.

2) Why does it seem when I just want to get a break and run to target that right when I get there I am getting a phone call from my husband or kids to ask, "Where is this or that, your mom just had an accident? or Your mom is asking where are you and when will you be back?"  Really, deal with it and let me have a break!!!!!

3) I love my extended family, but if I hear you say, yeah we are stuck in the house too with no money and nothing to do.  I don't feel sorry for you.  Your choice and your choices!!!!  You staying in the house is not the same as why I have to stay in the house.

4)  See this beautiful girl and this adorable puppy? Well Nicole asked if she could have this puppy a week before my mom was coming home.  Both her dad and I said NO!!!!!!!  Well typical 18 year old brought it home anyways.  I will admit it is adorable and hard to be mad at, but if it pees or poops on my new rugs one more time I will scream.  I feel like when people visit me my house it now smells like dog pee.  Sorry!!!  Not my fault!!!

5) It's one thing to deal with confused people at the hospital.  I can take it for 12 hours, however when it is your mom it is a compeletely different thing.  Repeating things and her not remembering her limitations can be real trying on the patience levels!!!

6) I know you want to visit my mom, and you say you will only stay for a few minutes, but what you don't realize is I feel I have to always have the house cleaned, her cleaned and I am her mouthpiece.  She can't talk and she can barely write now.  So that means time out of my day!  Somedays that is exhausting when I have 6 people wanting to come over.  It is also emotionally exhausting when I see my mom cry when you leave. So if I say no, please don't be offended, it is not about you!!!!!!

Well enough of my vent today!!!! Thank goodness for Hospice which is wonderful.  Thank goodness for the gospel and the plan of happiness so I can know the true purpose of this life and that my mom will be in a much happier place when she goes.  Please don't get me wrong, I love being able to do this for my mom, but lets be real, this is not easy!!!  God grant me the strength I need to get through this!!!!  I am grateful for my Savior and all that he did for me and I know I receive blessings daily.  I do have angels all around me attending to my needs daily.  They are friends who call to see how I am.  They are friends who bring in meals, even if my girls could have cooked it.  They are friends who pick up my younger two from school in the afternoon.  They are those who have prayed for us.  Thank you so much and we love you all.

Hawaii 2010

Our family got to finally take a vacation in May 2010, since Rosemary finally graduated from nursing school.  We went to Ko-Olina on Oahu and stayed at the Marriott Resort Beach Club.  We had lots of fun snorkeling, jet skiing, seeing the sights, and just lounging by the beach.  It was a truly deserved vacation!!!

Long Time No Post

Well it has been a long time since I last posted. Since I last posted I have graduated from nursing school as an RN in December 2009 and started working at Los Alamitos Hospital in Telemetry. This is the cardiac floor. I started there in January full time. It was really hard at first and many people told me the first year is really hard because you are learning everything and also I work nights which was an adjustment. Then in December 2010 my mom was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer and underwent surgery on January 5Th of this year. She has a very rare aggressive form of thyroid cancer called anaplastic carcinoma. Basically it invades your trachea, esophagus and then moves to your brain, and lungs. There is no cure and people go quickly within 6 months. My mom was put on Hospice with a trach and feeding tube. So she need 24hr care, which means me. So I am on Family Medical Leave from my job and with some adjustments by the kids we moved my mom into our home to live out her last days. It has been rewarding at times to be able to serve her in this way but it has also been hard to watch her decline. I don't think it was coincidence that I graduated nursing school, worked for a year to get experience and then have my mom get cancer and need 24 hr nursing care. Obviously God had a plan for me to help my mom. How grateful I am for this experience and that I can do this for her. I am grateful for all the prayers that have been said on our behalf.