Venting and a Real Reality Blog!

So as you know I have been taking care of my mom now for 4 weeks.  She is on Hospice and has terminal cancer.  I am happy to do this and am grateful I am a nurse to be able to give her the 24 hr care she needs.  However, I have frustrations too!!!  I always read blogs and they are full of beautiful people posing with outfits, putting their best picutres of vacations and their kids on.  Well I decided to make this a real reality blog, so I can keep this like a journal of this adventure we are going through. So here are my frustrations:

1) I know you mean well when you say if I need you to watch my mom so I can get a break.  However, can you suction her trach, do you want to change her diaper or put pain meds down her feeding tube?  So when I smile and say thank you that is really sweet, I apprecaite it but that won't be happening.

2) Why does it seem when I just want to get a break and run to target that right when I get there I am getting a phone call from my husband or kids to ask, "Where is this or that, your mom just had an accident? or Your mom is asking where are you and when will you be back?"  Really, deal with it and let me have a break!!!!!

3) I love my extended family, but if I hear you say, yeah we are stuck in the house too with no money and nothing to do.  I don't feel sorry for you.  Your choice and your choices!!!!  You staying in the house is not the same as why I have to stay in the house.

4)  See this beautiful girl and this adorable puppy? Well Nicole asked if she could have this puppy a week before my mom was coming home.  Both her dad and I said NO!!!!!!!  Well typical 18 year old brought it home anyways.  I will admit it is adorable and hard to be mad at, but if it pees or poops on my new rugs one more time I will scream.  I feel like when people visit me my house it now smells like dog pee.  Sorry!!!  Not my fault!!!

5) It's one thing to deal with confused people at the hospital.  I can take it for 12 hours, however when it is your mom it is a compeletely different thing.  Repeating things and her not remembering her limitations can be real trying on the patience levels!!!

6) I know you want to visit my mom, and you say you will only stay for a few minutes, but what you don't realize is I feel I have to always have the house cleaned, her cleaned and I am her mouthpiece.  She can't talk and she can barely write now.  So that means time out of my day!  Somedays that is exhausting when I have 6 people wanting to come over.  It is also emotionally exhausting when I see my mom cry when you leave. So if I say no, please don't be offended, it is not about you!!!!!!

Well enough of my vent today!!!! Thank goodness for Hospice which is wonderful.  Thank goodness for the gospel and the plan of happiness so I can know the true purpose of this life and that my mom will be in a much happier place when she goes.  Please don't get me wrong, I love being able to do this for my mom, but lets be real, this is not easy!!!  God grant me the strength I need to get through this!!!!  I am grateful for my Savior and all that he did for me and I know I receive blessings daily.  I do have angels all around me attending to my needs daily.  They are friends who call to see how I am.  They are friends who bring in meals, even if my girls could have cooked it.  They are friends who pick up my younger two from school in the afternoon.  They are those who have prayed for us.  Thank you so much and we love you all.